Victim to Sue Parents of Bullies

This post is dedicated to a man named David. 

Caitlin Rocco who is a senior at Scholars Academy in Rockaway Beach in the state of New York, along with her mother, are currently working to sue her bullies and their parents in court. 

“I thought that I would never have friends. I thought that I would never live a happy, fulfilling life. And I sort of just lost the will to live because of that,” Caitlin Rocco said. 

Bullies pushed 16-year-old Rocco to the verge of suicide — not once, but twice. 

She said they tormented her every day for years. 

Last year she was hospitalized after having suicidal thoughts. 

“One girl pushed me into the bus lane and said ‘I wish there had been a bus coming because then you would’ve died and I would’ve been happy,’” Rocco said.

SOURCE

The article also mentions another bully-episode of a twelve year old boy, Joel Morales, who apparently hung himself over being repeatedly bullied.

Anyone who reads this blog knows how much I dislike bullies. I was shocked to see this story because someone is actually going to try and sue the parents of these bullies. I'm not exactly sure how I feel about this particular course of action.

On one hand, it does seem to make sense that someone make an effort to hold the parents of these nasty bullies responsible. After all, parents need to pay attention to their children, especially ones who are in such desperate need of attention they resort to lashing out at other people they perceive to be weaker just to receive it.

On the other hand, I'm not sure suing the parents will actually curtail the behavior of the actual bully. In fact, I'm just not sure this type of punishment will have much affect at all. It might invite more bullying.

Speaking with some young people who I know very well, I have found that what we call bullying today was referred to as teasing back in my day. It is clear this Rocco girl has gone through some trauma but I have to wonder if there could be a better way for her to handle this situation that will help her become strong, rather than remain forever in victim-mode. Suing makes her look pathetically weak and the fact this is in the news might hurt her when she moves on in her life. Unfortunately we also have to remember we are only hearing one side of the story.

Just think if she applies for her dream job after college and her name is searched on the internet. A potential employer will obviously run across these news articles of her suing some people who picked on her back in high school. I'm just not sure an employer would want to take the risk of hiring an employee who would appear to be someone who cannot handle difficult people. This would be especially concerning if she were to apply for a job where it was necessary to work in a team or with the public -- which applies to most all jobs.

I cannot stand people who bully and I tend to typically always take the side of someone who is the underdog so I understand how people can get emotional over these situations. I understand the frustration of this mother trying to do what she can to protect her child. I also have to wonder why it is other kids are not sticking up for this girl? Bullies are one thing but what about teaching our kids to stand up for each other? What about the complacent children who watch and say nothing?

You know what they say about the two types of evil -- there are those who do evil and those who see evil things and do nothing. If this mother and daughter were to win their lawsuit, could someone not argue that they would also be able to sue the parents of the children who did nothing to help this girl? Okay, I know you're probably saying, "That is ridiculous Tuesday! That will never happen!" but have we not seen our justice system already move into the area of ridiculousness? Would THIS lawsuit not be considered totally ridiculous back in the 90's? I sure think it would be.

I love the idea of settling things in court; it is the more civil thing to do but I'm just not sure it's always the best way to handle all of our issues. I cannot help but foresee some serious issues ahead should a lawsuit like this be successful.

Of course we have a bullying problem but should we not be a little more receptive to the idea of teaching our kids how to deal with bullies, how to diffuse them, perhaps "win them over," or even fight back if necessary?

What about the psychological issues of the bullies themselves? Clearly they are suffering from insecurity issues and a need for attention, and this can or cannot be the fault of the parent. Sometimes there really are parents doing whatever they can but for whatever reason, their teen is out of control. Teens are typically wild and believe they know everything. Are there better ways to punish the bully directly, without having to fight back through the parents?

I do not believe bullies are the majority. I can see an opportunity for parents to teach their children to stand up for other people and tell them not to be a follower but a leader who is not afraid of sticking up for the underdog.

Then of course we have the victims who might actually be suffering from depression and because they are not getting proper psychological treatment and therapy, their perception of the bullying could be much worse than it actually is. This coupled with the fact that they lack certain savvy skills to overcome this type of mistreatment could be the fault of their parents.

Look, I was teased and picked on in grade school, but I will also tell you that I pretty much invited those attacks by myself.  I portrayed myself as an easy target, feeling sorry for myself, playing the victim, and just plain whining. I was depressed for many reasons but I did get some help and I did learn how to deal with my emotions and my reactions. This in turn made me stronger and I was no longer a victim. I'm sure I will always be made fun of by someone but that's life and I learned that I do not need to feed into the attacks because whenever I did, it only got worse. As I grew older and wiser, I never blamed anyone or remained bitter towards anyone that teased me because I realized had I been them, looking at me, I probably would have been no better.

I do believe that with the right tools and knowledge it is possible for the victim to turn into someone who is empowered. The problem with many of the adults in my life at the time can be summed up to this: they were trying to help but could not offer me a set of skills that could improve my thought process and behaviors. I was babied  and coddled; this just made the situation worse. It was at one point that an adult (David), finally told me to stop feeling sorry for myself. For the first time someone didn't look at me as a victim and of course this made me mad and confused but I realized after some time how right David was; I was feeling sorry for myself; I was the problem. I was then able to move on and learn some coping and social skills. To this day, my life has never been the same because I finally realized, I did have control.

Of course many situations are different and the modern age has brought about many different challenges including the internet, text messages, and other forms of bullying or teasing that  I did not have to endure but regardless of these changes, basic human behavior is relatively the same.

First we must look to see if these victims are suffering from an underlying mental health problem like depression. Their depression might have nothing to do with the bullying but rather the way they have learned to perceive information, stimuli, and social interactions. Depression is an extremely selfish state of mind that ultimately gives the person suffering a larger than life perception that the world is determined only to bring them down. This view of the world can change the reality of certain situations. The sufferer may unconsciously look for situations where they can insert themselves into the story line and play the role of the victim.

For example: A girl who is routinely teased is standing in a lunch line. She is looking forward but hears some laughter behind her. She turns around and sees two girls laughing further down at the end of the line. These same two girls are known to tease her from time to time. She immediately perceives that these girls must be laughing at her. It is because depression is such a selfish-state where almost anything and everything is ultimately about the sufferer, that this girl is unable to stop and think rationally. In reality, these two girls are laughing about something that happened before lunch. They look forward and notice their "victim" with tears rolling down her face and begin to laugh even more because they cannot help but find it hysterical that once again this girl is whining and thinking "it's all about her!"

With therapy, this girl can learn to stop her negative thoughts and instead of thinking the girls must be laughing at her, it is equally possible they are laughing at something else entirely. When a person is able to stop and think about another possibility, they can then change how they react. This girl might turn and see the girls laughing and instead smile at them and be happy for their laughter. When people laugh, it's much more natural to smile back at them because it's nice to see people happy. The two girls may even notice the girl smiling and in turn they might just change a bit of their perspective towards this other girl.

The example above is merely one to demonstrate how important it is for all of us to have healthy, positive perceptions of the world around us. When people are suffering from selfish, negative, and depressing thought patterns, they ultimately take a benign situation and manifest into something bad. When people are healthy and positive, they can manifest happiness. Even if the girls were laughing at this other girl, by her responding differently and not allowing someone else to dictate her emotions and reactions, she has taken control away from them and empowered herself.

Next, we must look at the nature of the bullying -- what forms the abuser is using. Just teasing with words can be fixed fairly easily but when it comes to physically harming another person, we must consider some other options. If the school is refusing to do anything, sometimes it might be wise for a parent to advice their child to do a little fighting back -- at least enough to let the bully know they need to check themselves.

Let us also stop being afraid of one another! The parents of the children who are being bullied should confront the parents of the bullies. Why not just try and talk to them and find out what they may or may not know? Perhaps with some understanding the parents can work together and they may even be able to approach both of the children together as a team.

Perhaps a lesson from The Dick Van Dyke show may help. In this episode, Ritchie comes home and tells his mom he is being bullied by a girl. Shocked, Laura and Rob decide to talk to this girl's parents directly. First Rob talks to the father and then Laura talks to the girl's mother. Approaching the parents was not successful for Laura and Rob but, it is refreshing to see that this approach was taken before they decided to tell Ritchie he should hit back. In the end, everything works out and this episode happens to be one of my favorites so enjoy.



Yes, it's a comedy and yes, life is not always this simple but why can it not be? It seems to me that our culture has made many good changes but we have lost a lot of common sense and respect for one another. The very idea that Laura and Rob took the time to confront the parents is something that seems almost unheard of these days.

As it pertains to this story concerning Caitlin and her mother, I see no mention of the mother making any attempt to reach out to the other parents - other than filing a lawsuit. [The article does mention that Joel Morales' mother met with the fathers of her son's bullies however, the article is not clear as to whether she attempted to do this before or after her son's suicide]. I also did not see any mention of granting her child [Caitlin] permission to fight back. I see nothing wrong with telling a child to stick up for themselves.

Something tells me that some more practical solutions that involve confronting the issue head-on might very well be a better answer for everyone involved.